As a kid, I never had to ask this question. I always thought I knew where he was: at work, out with my mom and friends or home with us.
Unlike a lot of other fathers, he was always there for our family, to help in all our activities and to watch whatever we participated in at school. I was one of the lucky kids that grew up with a father and a mother that were always involved in our lives.
But, now that he has passed away, I keep asking myself- Where is my father now?
After he retired 15 years ago, he was in his workshop, walking the dog and always at the other end of the phone. A few years back, when my father broke is hip and was confined to a wheelchair, many of these activities stopped. His life became much smaller, so we would talk every day. It was always the same call; we talked about what he was doing, what I was doing and how my kids were. I know we both enjoyed talking to each other every day just to check in. It gave me comfort. I appreciated every day that could call him and talk really about nothing.
But, now that he is gone, how can I call him and talk? If it’s lonely for me not talking to him, it must be really lonely for him where ever he is now.
I do “feel” the presence of my father when I look at pictures of him, things he made or items he collected. But, it’s not the same. I should be able to talk to him.
I never realized how lonely it was to lose a parent. There were all the days when my father was alive and now, there are all the days after.
When your father dies, say the Russians, he takes your childhood with him- Diana Der-Hovanessian
Written By Barry Moltz of BarryMoltz.com